Kay Bags’ blog

That boy from high school just passed away. He's was only 21. A great kid. My thoughts are with his family. 

So that kid is doing better and will be fine, is in a coma-like state. I'm just going to keep praying that God just give him strength to get through this mess.

I went out for a girlfriend's birthday last night. Drinks and dancing. I haven't danced in ages, it was great. Plus my guy friends love to dance so it was funny to say the least. The poor birthday girl got a drink thrown in her face by some dumb drunk bitch. That was the end of our fun little night.

That boy I used to like (kind of still do) was there. We barely talked, he wouldn't dance with me (only the birthday girl), and I only got a hug goodbye at the end of the night. I told my sister I'm getting over him. I can't read him and we haven't kissed in weeks. So I think it's safe to say we'll just be friends. He is having a party on Monday night so we'll see what happens then...

This boy I went to high school with was in a horrible car accident yesterday. He was going the wrong way on 128 and now he's in critical condition in Boston. He dated my sister for four weeks freshman year of high school. He's only 21.

All I can do is pray and hope to God everything turns out alright.  

I went from making out, to kiss goodbye, to kiss on the cheek, to hug, and now a high five tonight. Nice. It's making it very easy not to fall.

Good idea not to rebound with a friend, huh?

I'll be scoping out some hot young studs at the beach next week anyway.

"Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldn't fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it's comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart."

I watched this episode of "Sex and the City" tonight. I feel like it really rings true. Hell, minus living in New York and being fashion forward, I feel like that show dictates my life. My relationships, my friendships, everything I feel can relate back to it. Personality wise I think I'm a hybrid. I have the eternal optimism of Charlotte, but the best friend appeal of Carrie. I dress more or less preppy, like Charlotte, but I'm short with crazy curly blondish hair like Carrie. I am more a sports person than art/fashion so that would make me a Miranda.

But relationships are always Carrie. Patrick was my Mr. Big/Adian. He was an outdoorsy guy like Adian, but emotionally he never let me in and kept me as a separate part of his life, Mr. Big. In this story, I end up with neither one. It's just another chapter in my life searching for my soulmate, the one who is wild enough to run with me.

The quote is true though. If Patrick hadn't had a random Friday night off of work, we would have never met. We would have never dated and falling in love. I would have gone away to school and not ended up at Framingham State, which means I would have never met the loves of my life Angela and Libby. I would not be living at home this semester, graduating college a semester early. But I wouldn't have it any other way.

My relationship was not a mistake, it brought me to where I'm meant to be. I am still that optimistic girl who dreams of falling in love with a man who is proud to say, "This is the love of my life and I want the world to know." I still dream about flying to Rome and seeing all the historic places I have only studied. I still look on the bright side and know that tomorrow is another day.

Shitty things happen to good people, that's the statement of my life. But everything is what it is supposed to be. Patrick brought me to a place in my life where I can look back and laugh. This quote is where I leave our relationship. "Maybe our mistakes are what make out fate", and I plan on making plenty more mistakes.

"This is me your talking to" Trisha Yearwood

This was bound to happen
It was just a matter of time
This town is just too small for
Us to really say goodbye
You're smiling that smile that
You get when you're nervous
Like you don't quite know what to do
But this is me you're talking to
This is me you're talking to

I've heard you met somebody
It didn't take you very long
And I'll admit it isn't easy
Knowing you've moved on
But I can see how you could make any woman
Fall deep in love with you
This is me you're talking to

Me, the one who really knows you
Me, the one whose heart you've broken
Me, the one who was still hopin'
You might be missing me

We don't have to do this
We don't have to act like friends
As much as I would love to
I really just don't think I can
You don't have to tell me that you really love me
After all we have been through
'Cause this is me you're talking to

Me, the one who really knows you
Me, the one whose heart you've broken
Me, the one who was still hopin'
You might be missing me

Oh, and you don't have to say that you do
This is me you're talking to
This is me you're talking to

So today would have been our 4 year anniversary. I know I was the one who ended things, but I can't but feel ehh today. Hopefully I won't be alone tonight and I can celebrate verses mope.

So last night was fun for the most part. I was the only girl at the party for a good three hours, which is always interesting. I hear all the dirty, horrible things the guys says but then I get a lot of attention from all of them. It's a give and take kind of situation. The boys grilled and played whiffle ball while I watched and laughed at how drunk they were getting---at one point the pitcher at a beer in one hand, a cigarette in his mouth, and a throwing the ball with his right hand. Good times. It was kind of sad to say bye to Ellis, we didn't really start hanging out until after high school and it makes me feel worse knowing how sad my friends are about. I hope he stays safe though :(

I got little too tipsy last night. Not drunk, but really silly. I thought I was okay to drive home, but I wasn't and I realized that half way home. I know I should have turned around or pulled over and called someone, but I decided to risk it and got home safe. Never again though.

I kissed that boy again. We've made out twice and now an innocent kiss goodbye. It's a weird feeling. I feel myself starting to really like him, but he's a friend. The last thing I want to do is make things awkward in our little circle, but I really like kissing him and it takes two people to kiss. I have had this crush on him for almost a year now, he's a great guy (sweet, funny, attractive) and now that I'm finally single I don't have to feel weird about it. I have no idea where his head is in this whole situation and I know I should just enjoy the summer, so that might mean not kissing him anymore. I feel like the more I do, the worse it gets. We'll just have to wait this one out, but in the mean time I am going to continue enjoying myself.

Last night was pretty fun. I had to work at The Green Barn from 500 to 830PM. Not too bad, the more time the more money so I'll take it. My friends usually don't do anything until 9-930 anyway, so it works out rather nice. But last night was interesting anyway.

Of course yesterday was Friday the 13th and I totally forgot about it. Everything at work just happened to go wrong. Like, my favorite waitress/person to talk to, Karissa, was out sick so I was a little let down. Then we ran out of Chicken soup which everyone was calling in to order. Then it was a odd rush, busy from 500-600, then dead, busy from 730-815, then dead...just weird. And to top it off, since it is Bike Week in New Hampshire, three large 40ish year old biker dudes asked me to go out for drinks with them when I got off of work. AWKWARD.

I ended up going out with some friends after work. We went to Coyle's in Dracut, which has this outside patio you can drink on. It was funny, it was nicer outside then it was inside. With the exception that the bar is across from a farm so you could smell cow shit every 15-20 minutes like it was on a timer. I was DD so I didn't go too crazy, but I had fun and my friends are awesome. We made final details for Chris's Goodbye Party on Monday. It should be fun, but it sucks to know that he is actually being shipped out soon. But we'll make Monday something he'll never forget, I hope.

I think tonight will be a low key night for me. I have work tonight 430-830PM at the restaurant and if I don't go out, I'll probably start my reading for the week since I have so much reading and writing due by Friday. I'll be happy when this course is over. I have to rest up for Monday anyways ;-)

There are no good excuses to why I haven't written in this is a while. In fact, with everything that has happened in the last month I should be writing in this more. I guess I have a lot to catch up on.

1. I am home for the summer, and the rest of my life. It was bittersweet leaving Framingham. I LOVE my friends to death and I have received the most amazing education there, but I sometimes feel like I should have gone to another school. Something more exciting and fulfilling, I always regret not going to the many many schools I applied to and got accepted to in Boston. Maybe that's why I am seriously thinking about moving closer to the city next fall and getting a job in a school system down there. But I am home. And it's okay. My mom has good days and bad days, but I love her and I am determined to make it through the rest of this year with her.

2. I started summer school. I kind of like it. The class isn't as boring as I thought it was going to be, but it is a hell of a lot of reading and writing. Every week I read like 500 pages and write two 1 page responses. And next week I have a 4 page paper on Mao Zedong due next Friday at 10 PM. I kinda regret not taking a class on campus because at least I'd feel like I am doing something everyday. Honestly, I put off reading until the last possible second, it's like pulling teeth with me. Go figure, a teacher who doesn't like to read.

3. I guess this is the big one...Patrick (my boyfriend) and I broke up. Yeah. I don't know, it's weird to say ex-boyfriend. And I catch myself talking about him or  thinking about him sometimes.  Our break up was rather mature and mutual. It wasn't that he cheated on me, or hit me, or treated me like shit. It was just after four years and being 21, he wasn't what I wanted from a partner anymore. We're on very different paths and want very different things from life. I want to finish school, get my first job in the classroom, go to grad school, travel to Europe, and be an adult while still enjoying my life. And I don't think we really wanted the same things.

I am a serious, needy, neurotic person, don't get me wrong. I know I have my flaws and Patrick has stood by me when the shit the fan and I was at my lowest point. But I couldn't stay with him just because I felt obligated. He deserves someone who loves to be outdoors and can relax and have fun, be spontaneous. But that's not me. I know what I want from life and I know how to get it. I want someone who shares my passion for passion, who wants to see the world with me, who is as ambitious as me, who knows what they have when they have me. I know that wasn't Patrick and I couldn't change him into that person.

I have nothing bad to say about him. He is a really good guy, just not the right guy for me. I hope in time, when we have both moved on with our lives, we can be friends. Because although we were lovers, we always said we were friends first. And I think when I look back and think about it, that's what I miss when I think I miss him. Our friendship.

Okay, so no more excuses. I have to update more, so my FSC loves (Angela specifically) can know what's going on when I can't talk to them. And also, so I'm not in my head thinking all the things I just need to vent and feel. I promise you, I'm back.